This week I’ve had a few issues to wrestle with. Without giving too much away I’ve been supporting a friend through an extremely difficult time and I’ve had to think through some things that I thought were pretty black and white. One of the comments my friend made was about people who give their opinion on a subject when they have never experienced this situation themselves. I had to agree with her, once I saw the difficulty of her situation I found myself swinging back and forth between both sides of what was a black and white issue for me previously.
I decided in the end not to give or even hold a strong opinion but to simply hold her hand. She needed support not opinions. She has a brain, a relationship with God, family, a heart and she is quite capable of making a decision without my input. I held back and I’m glad I did.
As we grow and mature (as Christians but also generally) we learn about holding back. I’ve been (and still am) a person who is able to lash out with my tongue and immediately say what I think and in the process, look like a self-righteous know-it-all. As I get older I have found myself being able to keep my immediate thoughts to myself for a bit and choose whether its appropriate to speak.
When supporting a friend through a hard situation we need to be extra sensitive to how they might hear or read something we say. I’ve learnt that I need to keep in mind that they are under a lot of emotional strain and our best intentions can prove to only irritate them, not help.
This verse sums up my thoughts well:
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
and I can’t go past James 3:5
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
Lashing out with our tongue is a whole other topic but this week my focus has been on holding back. What about you? What has God been teaching you?
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Really good advice and I know your friend would have appreciated just being able to share without fear of judgement. You are a great friend
Great advice, I really really need to learn how to hold back sometimes!