
Something has been on my mind lately. I have been really enjoying getting to know people through facebook this past year, for those I see once a week its been great to skip the usual ’so how was your week’ chatter and go straight to ’so how are you feeling now?’ etc… and go a bit deeper. At the same time however I’m realising that people have a definite perception of me (or of others) based on information they have about me from years ago or from the information I’m giving out myself. To be honest, this is a given. We all make up a person’s profile in our head and file it away for next time – ‘name is Maria, she loves cats, is obsessed with tractors and wears her hair a bit strange’. Usually there’s a negative in there if we are honest with ourselves.
I can’t help but wonder what people’s perception is of me. Is that perception based on what they know of me in real life? Is it based on the ‘past’ version of myself? What personal filters are they using (eg; she wears pink, must be girly)? What information am I giving out that is creating this perception? Am I giving out an honest reading of myself? Deep thoughts but still worth pondering.
For example, I’ve been described as ’sweet’, ‘nice’, ’so creative (how do I find the time?)’, ‘amazing’, etc…Now, apart from being creative I don’t perceive myself as ANY of these things. To me sweet = naive, nice = fence sitter, amazing = someone else.
If you knew the ‘me’ that God knows you would NOT describe me using these words at all. I’m sure that each of us filter out information about ourselves so that we are giving off a certain image. Image is everything right? First impressions last and the way you were years ago must be the way you are now………right?
So, why am I writing about this? I suppose I just want to set the record straight. I am not sweet, actually I can be really critical, nasty, short tempered and mean. I don’t consider myself naive. I like niceness but I prefer genuine and deep care for people. I am impatient but hate impatience. I don’t want to give off a false impression of the real me. There are plenty of times I consider myself the worst Mum in the world (I’ve heard that this is a common thought of many Mums) and I don’t read my Bible every day (just wanted to say that one out loud). I’m a long way from perfect and amazing. I’m actually pretty ordinary. Ok, so I’m creative and I like to be creative and I do creative stuff a lot but there is a very long list of things I can’t do (math, read music, drive well, cook well, etc…). Good thing God accepts me the way I am.
Right, that’s my honesty post over. If you have a perception of me that belongs to anywhere from 1990 to 1995 please water it down, there’s some of that still there but hopefully with a lot less of the self-righteousness. Oh, and feel free to share what your perception is, I’m curious.